Cycle Number 1

I figured fertility treatments would be an easy process for me. Not much that I would be required to do. I was just hoping that I would have enough insurance to cover the expenses.

It was a sunny morning when my wife made our first appointment. We sat down and met with our Doctor (in the world of IVF he is a Reproductive Endocrinologist). He was a very nice and gentle man, with a great practice. He looked at my wife and I, and was a straight shooter. He asked us a little bit about ourselves and told us that we would could do artificial insemination or in vitro fertilization.

Artifical insemination? I asked... Why would we need that? He explained that it is because sometimes sperm has a low motility rate and does not swim strong enough to meet the egg for conception. I began to think to myself, I should have paid better attention in my High School Sex Ed class. So, I nodded and asked how do we determine if there is a low motility rate. He told me that we can analyze my sperm after our consultation.

I could not get the idea out of my head of analyzing my sperm. What did he mean by that? How were they going to analyze my sperm. I then drifted back and the RE started to discuss the IVF process. He said if we were his children he would tell us to do IVF. So, we said lets do IVF....



Now I want to tell you what IVF means from the male perspective...



The first thing I had do that at first made me feel weird, but afterwards I got a good laugh. You a probably wondering what I had to do. I had to go into a room an ejaculate into a cup. The weird part is doing it in a Doctors office. I would have never imagined in a million years I would watch porn, not say that I have never watched porn before, and ejaculate in a cup in a Doctor's office. I did it. I was nervous and it took a while but I came out a little dishelved and smiled at my wife and we got a good laugh.

Three days later we got our results and my sperm was fine and her uterus was fine minus the endotmetriosis. At that point we opted for IVF.

After that I tried not to think about it. I did a little research on the internet, but there was really nothing from a male perspective. I always read posts about a Darling Husband, but what would I need to do to be a good husband. I really had no idea.

Reality hit when a huge box containing syringes and medicene arrived at my house. What was even worst is that I had to give my wife injections everyday. I would watch her wince in pain. These injections lasted 4 weeks, and then the process really begins. Two days before the retrieval my wife was injected with the trigger shot.

The retrieval.... It is a weird day. It is the first time I went to the waiting room for this procedure. There are a bunch of couples either looking to talk to you or they are trying to avoid eye contact. Being our first procedure, I was not ready to make friends.

The procedure was painful for my wife. It was actually relieving for me. I had not been able to ejaculate for three days. I had to build up a reserve. I again went in the Husband's room and did my job....

After we were leaving they told us they would let us know if it was going to be a three day or a five day transfer. So what was going on now... They are fertilizing the eggs with my sperm to make an embryo...

Again this is where the tricky part for me came in... I did not know what to root for. I rooted for 5 days and got a 5 day. On day 5 we headed back to the IVF center. I was so excited that it was finally here. The wait was killing me. We decided to transfer two 5 day embryos. I got all suited up in medical gear and I watched the Doctor inject the embryos in my wife's uterus. I was in awe. I kept thinking wow. I just made a baby. I am going to be a father...

Afterwards my wife got dressed we left and began our grueling two week wait. I think I did not sleep. I tossed and turned every night. However, I was fine compared to my wife. She was a nervous wreck. However, things did not look good. on the Sunday before our pregnancy test my wife began to spot. She started to cry. What was I going to to do. I quickly began to research what this meant and how I could put a positive spin on the situation. I tried to do everything. I told her it was implantation bleeding and that it is possible to bleed a little during pregnancy. I had her feeling a little better, but then she got the ill fated phone call....

It was negaitve......

I was crushed. I began to well up tears in my eyes. I could not take the devastation. However, my wife was worst. At that moment I began to shut down and try to lift my wife back up. She is my everything and it was more important to see her happy than for me to be sad. So I never really dealt with my own emotions. I just began to figure out what was the next step. How to get back on the horse. How to believe that we were just on the wrong side of the coin.

I began reading statistics of success rates and failures. I pointed out how it is going to work next time. How we are going to make an appointment and we will start doing it again.

I needed to get my wife back on her feet. The following weekend after our crushing news, I went to a breeder and got my wife a puppy.

What a joy ful moment that was bringing him home and making him a part of our family. I gave her a psuedo baby and began a family for us. At least there was a family that was begining. My wife, myself and our dog.

With our puppy, my wife finally smiled again and I told her things are going to be ok. I told her I loved her and we will make this work.

We scheduled our appointment and waited until then....